This post was supposed to be titled 'How to be a man .. at work' (I promised a friend that I would write a part 2 for How to be a man). Even before I started writing, I realised that it would be a contradiction of what I truly believe.
How to be a man at work will just be a blog post about:
1. How not to care,
2. How to be a back stabber,
3. How to be a gender exclusive person,
4. How to ensure your promotion by getting into the 'boys club' and really do nothing else.
Unfortunately, though I've seen some good male-colleagues, the above mentioned points are true about a really big battalion of men.
To tell women how to be such a sorry excuse for a male-colleague was not my aim. Rather I wanted to write a post about
1. How to get what you want at work,
2. How to be more happy and efficient in your current position.
3. How to aspire for the next position and be good at it.
4. How to be a better boss/manager.
I worked with both male and female superiors at work. I don't have any particular gender preference .. because irrespective of gender, most of them sucked in their own way. A few of them, irrespective of their gender were awesome to work with.
Let me start by giving the usual disclaimer:
None of the details and examples refer to any living or dead managers.
The opinions expressed in this blog post are entirely mine. I'm exercising my right to self-expression here. I hope to shed some light on how it feels to be a women at work. I want to talk about how to be a better co-worker, better boss while getting what you want from your bosses.
The Mean lady
The Real Bad Part:
The minute a female boss expects daily status mails, asks you to be available on official chat, sets up official meetings to discuss issues and in general runs a tight-ship, she becomes the Mean, German Tyrant.
If a male boss does the same things, he is efficient, takes the bottom line, is well informed on what is going on in his team and has timely discussions with all stake-holders.
The Self-Induced Bad Part:
Yeah, some female bosses and colleagues do enough damage to aggravate the situation. They try to act more tough than they are, which comes out as -
1. Not giving a 2 hour break to an employee taking care of a family member in the hospital.
2. Seeding doubts in an employee by subtly hinting that other team members have given negative feedback about him/her.
3. Doing step 2. to everyone!
4. Always supporting the higher management even when they are wrong, giving an unrealistic picture to the top guys.
5. Setting unachievable targets and turning into a slave driver.
The reverse of this happens sometimes. Some female bosses or employees are nice, sweet, generally great to work with. But they suck as managers. 'Good Person-Bad Manager' Syndrome!
All the above mistakes - Don't men do them? Of course they do! But if a male boss makes these mistakes, he's just a bad manager. If a female boss makes these mistakes, she's a (bad manager)^9. As simple as that! That's how it is! So a female colleague or boss has to try harder to be a better manager and try even more harder not to fall into this whole, stereotypical "mean, narrow-minded, backstabbing, boot-licking manager" image.
2. Always a colleague, Never a friend
The Real Bad Part:
Yeah, you might be awesome at what you do. You might be super-helpful. You might be the team's 'Ms.Fix-it' for all issues. Uh... But the male boss or colleagues decide to invite all the men for drinks and choose to ignore you. They have inside jokes. There was that one time when they made a very bad remark about a lady in the next cubicle, and you chose to voice your opinion and set them right. There was this racist remark about Chinese employees, and you said something on the lines of "Ouch! That's pretty nasty". Yes, they call you "Ms. Goody Shoes" and don't invite you even for the coffee anymore!
The Self-Induced Part:
It's Friday night and everyone at work is meeting for a 'casual lounging, catching up, snacks and drinks' session at the local pub. They invite you too.
F: Uh.. I don't drink.
M: But 'So-n-So' doesn't drink too. You could just come along.
F. Umm.. (How do I get home so late? I never go pubbing! What would I d there? I'll feel uncomfortable! Do these people get too drunk and behave like complete idiots?) I really don't want to join you.
M: (What the bloody hell did I do to you, that you don't want to join me? Relax pretty girl, we won't eat you up!) OK. No problem
Sometimes it's really important to step out of your comfort zone.
A better response would have been
F: I really don't drink. But I won't mind joining you all if one of you could drop me off after the party..
Or even better, with all the technology and services available now, you could even book a cab! (Info: Meru can send a cab in flat 20 minutes!)
Women tend to skip unofficial team-lunches, Sunday outings, and other team activities. (Your son's football match is a genuine reason. You, not wanting to inform your in-laws that you have an team-outing to attend on Sunday, just to avoid the questions, confrontation and explanations is 'avoiding')
3. Gender Bias:
The Real Bad Part:
I see many companies, recruitment agencies and managers believing that - 'Hire a woman. She won't jump jobs frequently. She won't demand more salary. She won't confront you for a promotion" (oh yeah!, heard this lot!) Some of them go as far as saying, "Hire women. They come cheap!"
There are also cases where women are looked over for jobs, just because they are married. There are recruitment folks who ask questions like this - "So now that you are a young mom, how are you going to balance work and home?"
The Self Induced Bad Part:
1. Lack of confidence.
2. Accepting the idea that, you can't put in your best, because you are women.
3. Accepting the idea that you are physically and mentally and even intellectually inferior to men.
4. Not realising that 'Being different from men in general doesn't equate to being Inferior'!
I'm waiting to hear a woman answer back for the above 'mom question' (in green) as - "You know what, it's great that you brought this up! As much as I am breast feeding the baby and trying to get back in shape, my husband, who incidentally became a young dad is also learning to change the diapers, put the baby to sleep and plan his schedule around the baby. This is all new to him and he is doing great. Given that, I had quite a few months to carry the baby in my womb, sleep with a baby in my womb and do everyday activities with it, and given that my managerial skills and technical knowledge did not get erased during that time, I'm going to do great on the job after the baby's birth!"
But a woman who is that confident and rocks at her job - baby or no baby - is so hard to find these days! God! where are they?!
4. Salary and Position:
The Bad Part:
Why don't we find more women members on the executive council of companies? What is the percentage of CEOs, COOs and CFOs who are women? Despite of them being close to 43% of the workforce, why are women-managers so hard to find? Besides do you know that 'On an average the salary a woman takes home is 15% less than men' (Considering services industry and white collar jobs here.) This stems partly from the fact that many companies despite of their claims of gender equality play dirty when it comes to pay-offers.
Though there is an established industry standard salary, when a woman gives a 'ball-park' figure which is less than the standard, they never try to rectify it.
The rest of the damage is done by women themselves.
The Self Induced Bad Part:
Awareness and Confidence:
While male-colleagues keep constantly attending interviews and keep assessing their pay-scale standards even when they don't want to change their job, quite a few women still maintain out-dated resumes. Women don't make an effort to do a 'self-evaluation' of where they stand on the 'pay-ladder' and 'position-ladder' if they step out of their current position. As far as confidence goes, when the recruitment/HR resource nails you and asks for an 'approximate number', men always quote a tad higher - (What's wrong with asking for more? I might even get it! If not, the HR and I can negotiate on this high number.)
Women on the other hand ask for less - ('God, I don't want to sound greedy! What if the HR totally chucks me off the list because I'm not affordable! Let me give a modest figure, even less than what I want. Then the HR can't deny me.) No, I'm not making this up! This has been psychologically proven! Read up on the Internet.
What women don't understand here is - Salary talk is a negotiation, not a hostile confrontation. In a negotiation both the parties have something beneficial to offer the other, but that does not mean they do not have an individual agenda. If you really ask for unrealistic things, the HR will always set the record straight politely, without making it uncomfortable. (For Gods Sake! that's their job!)
Tangibility of Achievements:
Most woman go into a meeting with their managers without establishing the tangibility of their achievement. They also tend to talk about promotion just before the appraisal.
I deserve a promotion. Why?
Well, I spent working my ass off for 4 years in this position. So?
Common now, You know how much value add I did. It's only fair that I get a promotion. Well, what can I say, Life is not fair... Besides, I don't think the system is so fair that all the managers are going to miraculously realise how you are a critical resource, give you a kiss on the cheek, a gold star on your homework and put a title on your head!
Common, look at how much effort I put in. So?
I streamlined our design and development methodology. So?
You liked it! the client liked it too! So?
All our team save time because of my automated scripts. So?
Well this lead to saving 15% person-hours on the project . Now we are talking!
I created new artifacts as a part of the Knowledge Management for new resources. All the 5 resources who joined us in the last one year used them, their ramp-up time went down by 3 person-days . That's what I'm talking about!
Get the numbers baby! Even then, if your higher management don't care, well it's time for that HR talk. You might be in the wrong place!
I know the world is not fair, but we need to do our part!. So any of my girl friends what want add to this list?
All bricks and kisses invited :)
